Your will be (reluctantly) done

I had to make a hard decision last Friday. I'd had a bad week, my husband was out for the evening, I was lonely – and mum suggested going home to them for the weekend. Warmth, conversation, comfort, security – it was everything I felt I needed.

But God said no.

I know why He said no. It's too easy for me to run to my old home when I need to 'leave and cleave'. It was really hard and I didn't like it, but I was (reluctantly) obedient.

It's so easy to think of God's will as a distant, abstract thing, a kind of umbrella over the whole world's activities, or a passive force watching our every action. But God's will actually challenges each and every choice we face – it has a personal, intimate effect on our day-to-day actions.

I've just listened to the teenager opposite me argue with his parents. They want him to stay home and entertain his guests, and he wants to meet up with friends. He is utterly confident that he is without doubt in the right, and that his will shall break theirs! Too often I also think I know what's best for me and expect that God will agree. Isn't it obvious that my family's company is exactly what I should seek when I am lonely?

I think the following well-known passage from Luke 9:23-27 reveal both the difficulties and the glory of doing God's will:

Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it."

The will of God is counter-intuitive. How can it be that in losing my life, I save it? Or that in attempting to save my life, I lose it?!? His will is also personally applicable. To really lay down my life, I must lay down everything I have and hope for. I must give to God my husband, my family, my health, my money, and everything I own – without the certainty of what I wish for being done. He must have them to do as He will with them. I also must lay down my dreams, whether they be about my career, future children, or a big house. And I cannot expect to be given back what I lay down – God's career moves for me may be utterly unexpected and, in the world's eyes, unprofitable! Finally, His will is a daily decision. It is daily that I must lay down my life and take up my cross. In other words, every day must begin, continue and end with the prayer 'Father, what is your will for me today?'. And when He answers, I will be challenged to do things I am not comfortable with, and will be forced to deny myself and become God-centred.

It all doesn't sound very nice – so why bother?

"What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?" (Luke 9:25)

Our true selves are not found in the world of material pleasures and self-service. Even if we had the whole world, we would find we had forfeited something even greater to gain it. You see, the world costs you God – and as you were always intended to live with, in and through Him, buying the world forfeits your source of life. Even Christ was tempted by a worldly path in the desert, but He knew who He was, and so He denied His human desires, and carried His cross.

Do you know who you are? Do you know that you are an heir to God’s kingdom, a child of God? You can run away and die in a pigsty of human making, or you can do God's will, and come alive as you were supposed to be. Like the man who finds the pearl, you can keep your fields and houses, or sell up to buy the most precious treasure in the history of time. This is the trip of surrender - it’s the trip that lasts a lifetime, and it will cost you everything – but you will get everything and more in return.

Lord, it is sometimes painfully difficult to do your will. I find it hard to let go of what I think is right, and accept my own ignorance compared to your complete knowledge. But, Father, I am astonished by your world-wide plan to bring your Kingdom to earth – and your choice to involve me in bringing that plan to fulfilment. Help me sacrifice myself, so that I can truly find myself in you. Amen